Creating magical moments in your relationship is something everyone thinks about, but few people do. Perhaps it’s because they actually can’t think of exactly what to do. Here are ten „acts of love” that you can do with and for your partner to bring a little more romance into your relationship.
1. Make your morning time special by bringing your partner a cup of coffee while he or she is still in bed. If you’re willing and able you can also serve them breakfast in bed. It will make your partner feel cherished and the kindness will be returned.
2. Make the time at the end of the work-day when you first see one another extra special by giving each other a 10 second hug and kiss. You will both feel more deeply connected throughout the evening. Also remember to touch your partner affectionately throughout the day, not just when you want to be romantic.
3. Make time to make-time. Plan a romantic rendezvous during the week. You can get a room at a local hotel or plan to have the house all to yourselves. Just the anticipation of being together in this way will add spark to your romantic life.
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4. Whenever you can, take the time to give your partner 100% of your attention when they want to talk to you. Put down the remote control or whatever you’re reading, face your partner and say „What would you like to talk about?” It will make your partner feel loved and important to you.
5. Take the time to tell your partner that they look wonderful, beautiful, sexy or great. We all have doubts about our looks and hearing that we are attractive to our partners is a very important part of creating a romantic relationship.
6. Before you leave in the morning tell your partner that you are looking forward to seeing them when you return. Never leave the house without acknowledging your partner or saying, „I love you.”
7. Next time you are shopping alone, get a couple of little „surprise gifts” for your partner. The next time he or she is feeling down, give them one of the gifts. This is a wonderful and uplifting act of love and it will be remembered for a very long time.
8. If your partner is having a rough day offer to take them out or make dinner for them. If they are the one usually doing the cooking this will be a welcome change and a sign of your appreciation. If they are experiencing stress at work, it will be a great way for them to unwind from a tough day.
9. Be spontaneous and rent a convertible and kidnap your partner for a drive up the coast for lunch or dinner. This is a wonderfully romantic and very simple thing to do. If you want to be a little more extravagant, you can choose to spend the night at a Bed & Breakfast and drive home the next day.
10. This one is terribly romantic, so don’t try it unless you’re ready for a passionate evening. Get your partner two or more roses. Take one of them and pull off the petals. Drop the petals on the floor leading to the bedroom and place several petals on the bed. Put the other roses in a vase on the nightstand. Your partner will never forget your thoughtfulness.
Don’t try to do everything on this list in the same weekend, one a month is plenty. These ideas are just a little help to get you started. Once you get going, more ideas will come to you on their own.
Taking the time to create romance in your relationship is paramount to creating a fulfilling love life. Even if you think your ideas are silly, your partner will be thrilled that you took the time to do something loving for them. Remember, it’s the thought that counts.
“When we enter a relationship we often expect how we connected to remain the same. But the things that connect us can change over time,” according to Erik R. Benson, MSW, LCSW, a private therapist in the Chicago and North Suburbs area.
And this may cause a disconnect in your relationship. Naturally, you may feel overwhelmed or unsure about how to reestablish your connection.
“Start small with just one thing every day. And let it build from that, said Meredith Richardson, Esq., a mediator, conflict coach and trainer who creates retreats designed to help partners be their best selves.
Doing something small every day is important because your connection with your partner is a daily commitment.
As psychotherapist and relationship coach Susan Lager, LICSW, said, connection is “a couple’s co-commitment to a daily, mindful practice of gratitude, generosity, kindness, compassion and joy in whatever ways resonate for them.”
Here are seven simple suggestions for cultivating your closeness.
1. Do things together.
“I can’t tell you how many couples I’ve counseled — especially couples in long-term relationships — who fall out of the habit of doing things together,” said Christina Steinorth, MFT, a psychotherapist and author of the book Cue Cards for Life: Thoughtful Tips for Better Relationships.
It’s not surprising that 10 years or even several years down the line, couples don’t have much in common, she said. Having shared experiences keeps your connection alive.
2. Touch throughout the day.
“Touch is a very primal, visceral way to feel connected to someone,” said Ashley Davis Bush, LCSW, a psychotherapist who specializes in couples therapy and co-author of 75 Habits for a Happy Marriage. It reminds us of our most basic needs as infants, and “we need to be held.”
3. Get romantic.
“Connecting with your partner has one variable that is not found in any other relationship: romance,” said Aaron Karmin, MA, LCPC, a psychotherapist at Urban Balance.
“Carve out the time [for romance, flirtation and sex], and honor it,” said Trevor Crow, MFT, an expert on modern relationships. “Encourage your partner to express their inner feisty, sexy self.”
4. Be interested in your partner’s interests.
It’s important to know what your partner loves to do and join them, Crow said. For instance, even if you hate hockey, watch a game with them, she said. “Feel his or her joy and go with it.”
“Connecting through empathy and genuine interest with one’s partner’s passions helps develop greater intimacy and commitment,” said Douglas Stephens, Ed.D, MSW, LICSW, co-author of The Couples’ Survival Workbook.
For instance, if your spouse loves painting, you might say: “I can’t help but notice how you were today so intent in your painting. What do you process or think about while you are at work? It really impressed me.”
5. Have inside jokes.
“When you laugh with your partner, you create a positive bond, which is what connecting is all about,” Karmin said. Inside jokes derive from shared experiences, such as parties, anniversaries, travels, funny films and goofy singing or dancing, he said.
6. Give eye contact.
According to Karmin, looking into your partner’s eyes when you’re talking or listening to them communicates, “I am here in this place and moment with you. I’m not looking at a screen or giving priority to anything else. I’m making you my priority.”
Turning off all distractions and focusing solely on your partner means you’re choosing to make a connection, he said.
7. Perform small, sweet acts.
Karmin shared these examples: “writing love notes or sending special e-mail messages; helping each other with a project; and preparing a favorite breakfast.”
Relationships don’t work on autopilot. They require nourishment like a plant or pet, Bush said. So it’s important “to give [your relationship] that kind of attention.”
